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Gastronomic Translator®

Have you ever gone to a benefit event, fine restaurant, or other upscale noshery, eager to try the elegant "pourceau a la couverte," only to find out it was just "Pigs in a blanket" and made with canned biscuit dough to boot? Was your mouth watering at the thought of the "paté a fois" only to find out that it was just liverwurst? Don't get taken, get WUNNDDAR®.

We have anticipated your every need with the revolutionary Gastronomic Translator®. Type in "Saucisse cure-dents" and discover that the chef will be serving Vienna sausages on a toothpick. Never again will the mention of "cornichons" conjure visions of delights - visions that will be dashed by the actual platter of pickled gherkins.

Be discerning, be prepared - rely on WUNNDDAR®.

IdentiSafe® Mailbox

You are right to be nervous about identity theft. This rapidly-growing menace can cost you multiple thousands of dollars or can even force you to relocate to a foreign country! Yes, you faithfully use your shredder to dispose of old tax returns, utility bills, and other sensitive material that could otherwise fall into the wrong hands, and that is a great first step. But what about those many hours every day that your mail sits in your mailbox, vulnerable to passers-by with ill intent? There's not much you can do about that, is there?

Well, now there is. The WUNNDDAR Corporation hasn't left you exposed to the swirling maelstrom of a malevolent world. Now there is the Identisafe® Mailbox. It shreds your mail as the postman puts it in to protect you and your family right from the get-go! Don't sit around worrying - don't wait to be a victim - get WUNNDDAR! Remember, the best defense is a good offense!

And in line with WUNNDDAR's commitment to green living, the shredded mail is immediately shunted to a compost bin which will turn it in a few months into valuable fertilizer for your garden. I'll bet that's more benefit than you're currently getting from your mail!

* A picture of this product is not available, to protect you, the consumer, from those who might target these incredible machines.

The Choral Conductor's Friend®

The Crown Jewel of the WUNNDDAR Choral Line, the WUNNDDAR® CHORAL CONDUCTOR’S FRIEND is filled with all-legal substances that can help to make your life a dream come true! Here at WUNNDDAR® we know the challenges you face, and we have the tools to help you deal with each of them. First, the chorus. Each section can present its own special problems.

Let’s start with the soprani. Having a heck of a time getting just the sound you want? Don’t worry - WUNNDDAR® has got your back with the all-new VIBRATO SUPPRESSOR®. This powerful tool has an effective range of over 30 feet, and will allow you to give immediate ‘feedback’ to your section. You seldom need to use it more than once!

The altos are another breed altogether. While the soprano’s motto might well be ‘Every One A Diva,’ the altos can be difficult to bring out of their shell. But of course, when you have a problem, WUNNDDAR® has a solution! Yes, it’s ALTO-IDS®! Their curiously strong flavor gives even the ‘shrinking violets’ the strength to stand up and count-sing!

What is the worst problem one has with the men? No, it’s not what you’re thinking, although we do also include a complimentary bottle of BEANO® to help with that. The problem to which we refer, of course, is the lack of tenors. But what about all of those baritones? Viewed creatively, they can be seen as raw material. And, of course, WUNNDDAR® has the tools to help you refine your raw materials into pure gold. Yes, friends, it’s the famous TENORMAKER. Issue these to your likely prospects, give them a handkerchief, and they’ll soon be singing the high notes like Pavarotti!

Finally, the basses. Ah, yes, the basses. There is something that is apparently exceedingly soothing about all of those low notes, so that it can be difficult to keep them awake. What’s a mild-mannered choral conductor to do? Don’t get mad, get WUNNDDAR®. The patented THUNDER MACHINE® will bring to life even the most somnolent bass without your ever having to raise your voice, and its small size lets you keep it handy.

Well, now we’ve dealt with the singers – but how about you? You have needs, too, and WUNNDDAR® will not leave you comfortless! One of the greatest challenges a choral conductor faces is that of staying hydrated during a long rehearsal. If you put your water on the piano, Murphy’s Law guarantees that the head of the piano department is sure to walk in and chew you out on the spot, much to the delight of your choristers. On the other hand, if you put it on the floor, the first thing you will do is kick it over. But if you don’t stay hydrated, by the end of the rehearsal, instead of ‘mi mi mi mi mi’ all that you can croak out is ‘dismissed.’ What’s a director to do? Call on WUNNDDAR®, of course! And we’re here, with the DesertEase® Hydration Pak. This baby will hold 58 ounces of liquid, and the handy tube means that you’re always ready for a quick drink!

Included with the DesertEase® Hydration Pak is a package of Hall’s Throat Drops, for days it doesn’t work, and a bottle of breath freshener, should you inadvertently fill the pack with the wrong clear liquid.

Finally, we know that there will be days that, despite your best efforts and WUNNDDAR®’s most sophisticated tools, the singers will just take it out of you. So we have equipped your kit with Ibuprofen® and Tums®, in the handy Choral Size. The Ibuprofen® is an all-new formula that dissolves in your mouth. Umm – they’re delicious!

Use only as directed. And remember, it’s a WUNDARR®ful life!

Truffle Stuffer Benefit Bag®

Especially in these economically challenging times, we all want to help out the many non-profit organizations asking for our support. One of the most fun ways to do that is to attend a benefit event. But since we are all tightening our belts, metaphorically speaking, we want to make sure that we get the most for our money.

 
Have you ever gone home from an event, felt that little hollow spots in the tummy, and wished you had another one of those little Thai Red Pepper Shrimp, or whatever gastronomic delights were on offer at the event? As anyone who has ever attempted to bring things home in your purse knows, it isn't worth the damage to your fine leather goods, and the food loses something in the translation into a flattened, pancake-like state. Well, fret no more - WUNNDDAR® is here with the answer you've been waiting for - the Truffle Stuffer Benefit Bag®! Filled with containers of all sizes and shapes, this insulating carrier will help you to get your money's worth! This elegant bag will allow you to discreetly take home several day's worth of delicious food, without all of those nasty squidgy napkins messing up the inside of your purse. It comes in two versions - a tough ballistic nylon or in the extra-posh leather version, suitable for events costing upwards of $100 per person. (Price for leather version available upon request.) So don't go hungry, go WUNNDDAR®.